Friday, October 20, 2006

Shoe Sales

Before I begin, I should note that we are really quite grateful for the shoe company in question, which does sell excellent shoes. Thanks to them DOB has been able to find dress shoes he can wear without agony, which means his footgear options are not limited to a choice between black and gray tennis shoes.

Still, having to come up with enticing descriptions for dozens of only very slightly different shoes must be a taxing job. Hence, let the mocking commence.

Perfect for moving from bustling downtown venues to side streets and out-of-the-way bistros. However, if you want to move from "elegant seaside villas to countryside hamlets," you'll need the shoes on the opposite page.

As you observe this handsewn calfskin slip-on, you're quick to realize that Spain's reputation for brilliance, theatrics and intensity of life seems well deserved. Once you put them on, though, you will be disillusioned.

It's not unusual to come across a Spanish fiesta and get swept up in the exuberant celebration. Well then, why has it never happened to me?

Italian craftsmen have created a handsewn dress loafer that is truly inspired. So if you catch your shoes writing sonnets, you'll know why.

Wear the premium leather casual that begs you to test the elements, rain or shine. Like dogs, only they don't bark or mess up the carpet.

Europeans would say this woven calfskin slip-on bespeaks an elevated level of sophisticated nonchalance. We would refer to it as "confidence." Because, um, we don't know what all those long words mean?

There's a quiet magnificence in our soft, supple deerskin slip-on that you'd be hard-pressed to find in a shoe of lesser caliber. Our shoes are better than shoes that are worse! Who would have thought?

There's something of the traditional country gentleman in this soft leather scuff slipper. Poor fellow.

Nobody in the Duchy seems to have much of a gift for marketing. I fear we will never strike it rich in business.


the Joneses said...

Reminds me of Dorothy Sayers' classic "Murder Must Advertise."


Rachel's Jeremy said...

How could one NOT mock such silly verbiage!

(Hey, they don't carry size 17 and 18 do they?) ;-)

SK: ) said...

"Nobody in the Duchy seems to have much of a gift for marketing."

I don't know about that. Stan Freberg made good in the field despite his clever satires. Or maybe because of them.

Queen of Carrots said...

DJ--I so enjoyed the advertising aspect of that book that I completely lost track of the murder mystery and got to the end puzzled as to how it had been solved.

Jeremy--No, you're out of luck if a Spanish Fiesta crosses your path.

Uncle Steve said...

So let's work backwards a moment. If the Duke has comfortable, supportive shoes, they were probably advertised as something like this:

A blue sky silhouettes the arches supporting the bridge. Your feet are the bridge, our supple yet sturdy shoes the arches. Though not golden, they are definitely worth their weight.

Nope - still didn't measure up to their "inspired" prose. My attempt still connects to the real item being sold.

The Duke said...

Actually, the ones I bought went like this: "Self-assured in their natural Italian sophistication and secure with their base in traditional styling, these . . . shoes project and easy, modern air of confidence." Actually a fairly bland and accurate assessment.