This is NOT funny

33 weeks, 4 days.

Now THIS is funny

A rating system for husbands and wives, from the 1930s. I haven't actually tallied my score, but I think I do pretty well--although I do not remember to wash the top of the milk jug off before opening it (do I even want to know?), I never go to bed with curlers on, nor are my stocking seams ever crooked.

Taking Pictures

We went in for an ultrasound today. All these ultrasounds are quite strange for me; we had none with D1 and only one early on to date D2. (And I still didn't believe the doctor's date. But apparently they were right.) With twins they like to do them every few weeks to make sure everyone's growing reasonably well.

The ultrasound technician at this office is less personable than the one at the old office. This is good. The other technician was always pointing out every body part to me as she measured it, in an expectant way, as if I was to coo over it. "There's the femur." "There's the kidneys." Now, I'm as daffy over newborns as any hormonally-crazed female, but I just can't work myself up into a tizzy over ultrasound images of femurs. Even faces aren't too charming on ultrasound, looking as oddly sliced-through as they do. About the only thing that's cute on an ultrasound is fingers and toes.

Twin measurement ultrasounds take forever. Well, half an hour, which is forever when you have thirty-five extra pounds sitting on your spine and have to lie back. They should invent an ultrasound table where you can lie on your stomach with a hole cut out for your belly and they run it from underneath.

Everyone is growing well, and Baby A is definitely a girl, and she has her head down. Baby B does not, but the doctor thinks he's in a good place to move around when Baby A gets out of the way. They each weigh about five pounds. That's getting to be a lot of baby. Of course, I was ten pounds when I was born, but that was two weeks past my due date.

Me and My Little Commando

DOB was putting D2 down for his nap this afternoon. D2 rooted around on the bed, looking for exactly the right spot to sack out.

"Is that where you want to lay down?" DOB asked when he had settled for a moment.

"No," D2 said, "This is where I want to lie down."

Greetings from Afar

Congratulations to Toolboy and his bride-to-be (whose online name has yet to be determined--Toolgirl?), who are getting married today. We are, alas, missing it, what with it being on the other side of the country and being a little too big to fly and all.

Owing to a last-minute discovery of a mixup in their church reservations, they are having an outdoor wedding. The weather is, if anything, a little too warm and sunny. The mother of the bride was commenting to Her Majesty on how strange it was to have it work out thus--after all, who schedules an outdoor wedding in May in Seattle?

Their Majesties did, of course, three years ago. The weather was beautiful.

And two years before that, DOB and I were married outdoors in September. We had no backup plan and we needed none. It poured rain the next day, but rain on a honeymoon is no problem.

Clearly our family is favored by the Puget Sound weather sprites. Perhaps one of us should try for an outdoor January wedding and see what happens.

Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up

I had two cowboys to feed all day yesterday. Pinto beans for lunch worked great, but could I honestly tell them that cowboys eat tuna fish sandwiches for dinner?

Hey, if they can work with cows that look suspiciously like octopuses, bears and rabbits, I can declare tuna fish to be cowboy food.

Today we have one cowboy and one fireman.

Six Unspectacular Quirks

I've been tagged by Rebecca at The Space Between My Peers to come up with six unspectacular quirks, as follows:

* Link the person who tagged you
* Mention the rules in your blog
* Tell about six unspectacular quirks of yours
* Tag a new set of six following bloggers by linking them

Six unspectacular quirks? What if all my quirks are spectacular?

1. Actually, I'm having a hard time coming up with six because a quirk implies consistency and I am not very consistent.

2. I have a deep, unconquerable fear of manhole covers and sidewalk grates. I do not want to walk over them. I do not want my children walking over them. The latter is getting harder and harder to avoid. Somewhere out there is a booby-trapped grate just waiting for me to walk over it, or else one that holds a large, hairy monster with a hand waiting to grab me.

3. I tend to resent the existence of the real world. Any brain type or personality test that measures intuition/abstract thought versus sensory/concrete thought puts me way off the charts on the intuition side. So I live in my own little world, but I'm happy here. As long as the interesting people who show up don't keep expecting me to deal with all these dreadful real world things. (I do understand why D2 gets so frustrated when his biscuits crumble, and so happy with two hours alone lining up cars.)

4. I love to walk in the rain and wind. It's a little more challenging now that I have to take puddle-jumpers along, who always manage to splash well above the level of their boots. (And even that wouldn't be so challenging if they could change their clothes unassisted.)

5. I think the internet is destroying what little sense of connection I had in my brain, as I flip between nine open windows, unwilling even to wait for a link to open. But it's close to the kitchen, and there's a chair there. Although I'm supposed to be bouncing on the exercise ball.

6. My real objection to home birth has little to do with concerns about possible complications, and everything to do with not wanting to be in a place where I'm responsible for anything. I do not want to be in labor and know there are undone dishes in the other room, or wondering who is going to do all the laundry. Which is an absurd reason, but there it is. A part of me looks forward to being in labor because I finally have permission to ignore everything and everyone if I want to.

And now, six spectacular people to tag to tell about their unspectacular quirks.

Carrie
Sara
Wendy (or whatever Zoomlian wants to reply)
Melissa (if she can get it done before going into labor!)
Devona
Rose

Private Life of Grammar Commando

The Grammar Commando passed a semi on the freeway yesterday. On the back of the brightly painted and embellished tractor was the lettering:

"Don't you think my tractors' sexy?"

"Not with a misplaced apostrophe, it's not!" Grammar Commando thought.

(The phrase, intending to abbreviate "tractor is," requires an apostrophe where the missing letter is, not tacked at random on to the end.)

What does Grammar Commando find attractive? Good grammar, of course. It was one of the first things she noted about DOB--his fine grasp of English grammar, even in the free-wheeling world of instant messaging. Although he confesses that he had trouble with "it's" and "its" until GC cleared it up. But he cared. That was the main thing.

So What Does THIS Mean?

I went into the ducklings' room and found D1 sitting on a stool, staring at the bookshelf.

"I'm watching TV," she said.

The Way Things Are

I'm really doing pretty well for the shape I'm in. Here I am at 31 weeks, still on my feet (if not for very long!), no sign of pre-term labor, no swelling, blood pressure low, babies kicking like crazy. The doctor thought at least one was head down and both seem to be in a more vertical posture, so they're moving in the right direction. We'll get a better idea at the ultrasound in two weeks.

But I feel lazy. Oh so lazy. Even when I'm not actually tired (which is seldom) I have no desire to get up and do anything. Quite novel for me, since I'm usually itching with restlessness. Thank you very much to everyone for the book suggestions--I have a slew of them on hold, and when I pick those up I'll reserve a slew more. Some of you guessed a little too well and suggested authors I've read many times (most notably Austen and Sayers), but that only confirms your excellent taste!

As far as help, we are already getting a fair amount of help. DOB's sister has been staying with us at least three nights a week all year (she goes to school nearby and works at his office). She catches us up on the dishes and does other things. The rest of his family, and especially Aunt Bettie, come over at various times and help out. Grandma and Grandpa take D1 and D2 Monday evenings through Wednesday morning so I can rest and go to doctor's appointments on Tuesday. Other friends stop by and help, too.

I feel like an Oscar winner thanking the supporting people. But really, we couldn't do this alone.

Wondergirl is coming out in June to stay into August, and DOB's sister, not having school, will be around more much of that time as well. It will make a huge difference to have someone around all the time during the first few months. Being able to breastfeed the babies without any supplements is very important to us, since DOB's family has such a history of allergies, and I've heard that may require nothing but sitting still and having people hand me food and water for the first month or so. After that, we'll see what we still need. No doubt things will stay crazy for quite awhile.

I'm actually a little disappointed that I don't get comments about how huge my belly is. Maybe it's just that I don't get out much. Or maybe it's my long torso; I really don't think I have nearly the discomfort most twin mothers do at this stage. The babies can't even reach my rib cage to kick it. Although this build will plague her all her life in buying jeans, if D1 inherits the twin tendency she will someday thank me for passing it on.

A Word from Grammar Commando

Definitely.

Definitely.

Two i's. Related to "finite." I realize that "definitely" suffers from the murky vowel sounds so common in English, but if you remember "finite," it shouldn't be hard to spell.

For some reason, people feel compelled to spell it "definately." That would be bad enough, but then they find themselves in another path and the letters swap and it comes out as "defiantly." And that, my friends, means something very different.

"Sounds great! I will definitely be there." (With bells on!)

vs.

"Sounds great! I will defiantly be there." (With my bazooka!)

Baby Menu Plans

I finally have trimmed down my four-week menu rotation into two weeks of only the absolutely easiest, least messy, most favored, and cheapest menus. You will notice that salads predominate. I do not like eating or preparing hot food in hot weather. Plus, salads can be fixed at any point in the day when I feel up to it or when some Helpful Visitor is here, instead of needing to be fixed right after breakfast (like crockpot meals) or right before supper (like skillet meals), both of which times seem to be when everyone needs attention and a diaper change. Also salads can be easily adapted on the fly to whatever vegetables were cheap and available this week.

Week 1
Monday: Chicken and White Bean Taco Salad
Tuesday: Macaroni Salad
Wednesday: Potato or Sweet Potato Salad and Sausage
Thursday: Chicken Fajita stuff on Rice (This needs a more exciting name!)
Friday: Tuna Sandwiches
Saturday: Lunch, Pinto Beans with chips or cornbread
Supper, Steak or Roast
Sunday: Lunch, Chef Salad
Supper, Tomato Soup and Grilled Cheese

Week 2
Monday: Sausage and Rice Salad
Tuesday: Broccoli and Cheese Potatoes
Wednesday: Taco Salad
Thursday: Lentil-Rice Salad
Friday: Tuna or Salmon Pasta Salad
Saturday: Lunch, Pinto Beans and Chips or Cornbread
Supper, Taco Chicken (or Chicken and Rice)
Sunday: Lunch, Chicken Pasta Salad (or Fried Rice)
Supper, Tomato Soup and Grilled Cheese

Weekday lunches are either leftovers or sandwiches (peanut butter or toasted cheese)
Notice that Sunday lunches are made with the leftovers from Saturday's supper, usually on the spot while doing the Saturday dishes, so that there's little work to do when we get home from church.

Breakfasts go on the same rotation every week:

Monday: Oatmeal, Scrambled Eggs, Fruit
Tuesday: Biscuits, Scrambled Eggs, Fruit
Wednesday: Leftover Biscuits, Scrambled Eggs, Fruit
Thursday: Toast, Scrambled Eggs, Fruit
Friday: Oven Pancake, Fruit
Saturday: Waffles, Scrambled Eggs, Fruit
Sunday: Cold Cereal (or pre-made muffins), Scrambled Eggs, Fruit

We eat a lot of scrambled eggs (I'm doing three a day for myself right now). It's cheap protein, and it involves the least work on my part. I like doing French toast, but the last time I tried that I had Braxton-Hicks contractions all morning, so I'm backing off on French toast until at least after the babies come.

DOB's lunch is packed from leftovers on the previous evening. His breakfasts consist of hard cooked eggs (I cook several days' worth at a time), leftover biscuits or waffles with jam (fixed up the night before) and fruit if it's handy. He is kind enough to do it himself these days and let me sleep in a couple of extra hours.

Now I'm working on writing up recipes (of sorts) for each menu. It's very hard to pin me down on how much of what to put in; I just kind of guess and adapt according to how many people are eating.