Sunday, July 06, 2008

Bring It On

Labor-induction folklore is like hiccup remedies: the purpose is to keep you occupied and your friends amused until nature can take its course.

So far I'm still sticking to the versions that are fun. Walking (well, sort of). Fresh pineapple. Foot rubs. Etc. Some people apparently go for eggplant parmigiana, but others say it's the basil and oregano that are important, which is good because eggplant is a vegetable towards which I harbor a deep skepticism, no matter how thoroughly it is parmigianed.

The way I figure it, people must have gone into labor while doing almost everything except flying stealth bombers. One can therefore pretty much try anything to go into labor. Murphy's Law seems a good place to start:

Will removing the toilet from the main bathroom induce labor?
Taking DOB's spare jeans out of the hospital bag?
Having the house full of people?

So far, no luck with those. We considered trying attending a distant event, but it was too much trouble.

I also theorize that watching suspenseful movies should help. However, so far Alfred Hitchcock has done nothing for me.

Now it comes down to whatever I want to do, or whatever anyone else is trying to talk me into doing. Hey, maybe killing spiders induces labor! Cooking supper! Bopping DOB!

You never know.

9 comments:

SongBirdy said...

How about HagenDaz ice cream? Eating dinner a la fondue style? Reorganizing your books? Reading upside down while drinking from the top of the cup... no wait, that's hiccups!

I know with me when I went nearly 3 weeks over it was as if everyone forgot about me. I spent my days completely alone and was a mess by the time my husband came home... but it sounds like you've got a houseful! Hopefully you're okay with that! lol...

Prayers, it won't be too long before these sleepless nights will be full of sleepless nights of another sort!

Mama Squirrel said...

I had a friend who caulked the tub...

Hang in there!

Wendy from Zoom said...

It surely must be a particular combination of back rubs, foot rubs, bonbons, and Jane Austen Movies. Keep trying until you find the exact right combination...

Steve said...

I have started a rumor that making up words like "parmigianed" will actually delay the onset of labor.

Hope the rumor is false.

steph said...

Yep, they pretty much keep you off the flight line once you get pregnant, so stealth bombers (or any war craft at all--fighters, submarines, tanks, etc) are a highly unlikely place to be in labor. Unless you are a native being rescued by a tank in some foreign country and you just happen to be in labor. Still, a bomber or submarine is an unlikely labor spot. Unless your boat capsized in shark-infested waters...oh, never mind. I'm just getting silly now. And besides, in that scenario you're more likely to be picked up by the Coast Guard than a submarine. Did I mention silly?

I must say that another unlikely labor scenario is munitions build-up...and there are several reasons for that. Not only because of the obvious inherent dangers, but I'm pretty sure no one wants a woman in the throes of intense labor pains to be anywhere near explosives items! Would add a whole new meaning to the words "short fuze"! (yes, I meant "z", not "s", and in doing so, I guess I made an odd sort of pun? Pun intended.) Sorry, bombers and explosives have been my whole world for 10 years, only to be overshadowed by my two daughters, whose theme song will ever be "You Dropped a Bomb on Me" by The Gap Band. They are a couple of live wires...(that's an unintended pun and a totally different kind of bomb)!! :D

Good luck and lots of prayers!

Queen of Carrots said...

The submarine thought does remind me of *Operation Petticoat*, where Cary Grant's ill-fated submarine winds up picking up a bunch of Navy nurses, then a bunch of islanders, complete with overdue mothers and goats . . . Maybe that would be better than Hitchcock.

Fe said...

My husband swears by Praline Semifreddo.

It certainly seemed to work with number one, but had no effect on number two. Of course... it's a pretty pleasant way to try:-)

CappuccinoLife said...

Hmmm, well I personally think the HagenDaz is worth a try. Maybe Ben&Jerrys, too?

I believe I've heard chili will do the trick.

MLM said...

Probably caster oil is the only thing that will work. But only because you can't bring yourself to try it. I wouldn't either.