- The time at which babies need pureed food and are fascinated with trying to eat things off the floor would not coincide with the age at which they are terrified by loud noises such as blenders and vaccuum cleaners.
- People who design toddler clothes would, at some point in their life, have beheld an actual toddler, and realized that (a) they lack waists and shoulders, and thus garments heavily dependent on such bodily features will not work; and (b) they fall down frequently, with deleterious consequences to the knees of their trousers. I can't figure out why it's so difficult to find elastic-waist jeans, when it seems like those are the only logical garment.
- The Law of Toddler Feeding would be repealed. This law states that if you serve a toddler a tiny portion of food, she will keep asking for more servings for the next forty-five minutes. However, if at any point you serve her a large portion, she will immediately decide that she is done. If you are lucky, she will inform you of this before she converts the remaining food into an art medium.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
A Few Small Tweaks to the Cosmos
I'm sure it wouldn't mess anything up if I just changed a few things: