Thursday, May 03, 2012

Odds and Ends

  • The Duchess has decided that milk gives her headaches. So far avoiding it seems to be working. She is perfectly happy with goat cheese on her beans and almond milk on her granola, so it has not been too difficult except for eliminating half my breakfasts and all white-sauce based suppers. We're hoping it's a temporary sensitivity that will go away after a short period of avoidance.
  • I had a guest post over at Girlfriend's Guide to Homeschooling, on the topic of courtship. I may write a series on this topic over here, because I'm feeling in the mood for some controversy. Then I may find some more controversial things to write about. This will probably make the blog very boring for people who read to hear about cute things the kids do, so I will have to get them to agree to do extra cute things to supplement.
  • The squirrels ate all of the lettuce I set out in regular beds. They left most of what was in the flower bed. I'm suddenly not at all interested in gardening any more. Plus, it's raining.


Diary of an Autodidact said...

Thanks for a well written and thoughtful perspective. I rarely can say I agree with something completely, but I have to in this case. You have correctly identified the problems with the courtship model.

I would say that my wife and I did more of a hybrid version in that we had little direct supervision during the process. This was primarily due to the fact that neither of us lived at home when we started. Still, I think that the concept itself gives the parents a heightened investment in the process, and a sense of entitlement and expectation.

You mentioned the difficulty in transitioning from the brother in the back seat to the kid in the back seat. I think that equally difficult is the transition that parents have to make from one of control (including that of picking the spouse) to one where the new couple becomes their own family. The temptation is to want to continue to have that sort of veto power over other decisions, and to expect that the new spouse become part of the old family hierarchy.

You found this out, of course, in the foundational decision as to where to live. While the specifics of my situation were different, I think there has been needless conflict within my family because of the expectations of control that were created.

While I would in no way wish to change my spouse - I married exceptionally well - I wonder if things would have been different had we met and dated several states away from our families and simply announced the engagement.

Diary of an Autodidact said...

Also, keep up with the controversial topics. I too am in a controversial mood.