Snarky Things I Want to Say on Homeschool Forums

But never actually do.

Random Commenter: "Im wondring if I should get a spelling cirriculum."

Snarky QOC: Of course! They say it's never too late to learn. Oh . . . did you mean for your kids? (Note that I do not immediately assume the children would be better off in school. I've read worse from school teachers.)

RC: My four-year-old is getting really stressed out over school. He cries and says he doesn't want to do the worksheets. He still doesn't know all his letters even though we've been working on them since he was two. What can I do to help him love learning?"

SQOC: A three-year supply of tranquilizers. Not for him, for you. He actually loves learning and can't figure out why you're making him do squiggles on paper when he could be doing something truly educational like disassembling the dishwasher or turning the living room into a ninja fortress/train station.

RC: I don't think it's worthwhile for my daughter to spend time studying (higher math/ philosophy/ business skills) when we are raising her to be a "keeper at home."

SQOC: Yes, because we all know of God's promise in Hezekiah 3:14 "Thou shalt grant to the woman of virtue a husband of great wealth for all the days of her life," as well as that profound insight in Cappadocians 2:27, "Let thy women be of feeble mind, that they may be more easily duped."

RC: Character is more important than academics. What good will it be for our children to know algebra if they don't know Jesus?

SQOC: So, ten years from now when your child can't get a decent job because they don't have the requisite skills, are you going to keep telling him it's because of Jesus? *That* should keep him in the faith. And since when does slacking off on your work show good character?

RC: It just occurred to me today that instead of just reading the textbook about birds, we could go outside and watch some real birds. Do you think this would be OK? It might mess up our schedule.

SQOC: First you're going to need to fill out a "Request to Deviate from Arbitrary Program" form in triplicate and send it to the publisher, curriculum provider, and randomly-selected educational official. In three months when you get the results back, you can figure out how many weeks of school you'll need to make up in penance for daring to learn something real instead of getting it third-hand.